Non-Conflict Resolution
A person can learn a lot about conflict resolution by listening to people argue or fight.
One of the more subtle observations that one can make involves seemingly deadlocked arguments. One tenet of conflict resolution training is that very few arguments are truly deadlocked; in fact, it is quite rare. So what accounts for two people who refuse to come to any type of agreement?
Curiously, the cause may be that there is no conflict. Rather, the people are failing to stop long enough to realize that they may, in a real way, be in agreement. This is common in a lot of heated debates when both sides are totally convinced they’re right. Indeed, they may be.
For example, when you come across two people arguing with absolute certainty in their unique positions, listen carefully. They may be arguing the same point, but using different terminology or coming at the same solution from two different angles. “Aren’t you saying the same things?” Often, they are: and that’s why neither side can accept compromise when there’s no middle ground!
Often, this can be the case in procedural issues...such as the right way to install an appliance, move a piece of furniture, or deal with a business problem. Stop and review each position, ideally putting the terms into a “third way of expressing the problem.” Suddenly, it seems that both of you were talking about the same thing.
Another strange example of this non-conflict is when two people are furiously arguing about two different things, with no specific relation. There’s no compromise possible because the middle ground is in the opposite direction.
In popular culture, you see this argument between science and religion. Which side is right? The scientist refuses to accept the religious person’s argument due to a lack of fact. The religious person fails to yield to the scientist’s argument due to a lack of faith. The issue will not be settled, because fact and faith are two unrelated concepts. Neither can disprove the other as they are not opposites. Similarly, in business, you can find this argument between Sales and Operations. Sales thinks that Operations moves too slowly with too many constraints. Operations is irritated with Sales promising things that cannot be delivered. Meanwhile, the customer grows impatient with waiting. The problem is neither with Sales nor with Operations, but with the fact that the organization is not providing the customer what he wants.
It is true that some problems are fully deadlocked. But not nearly as many as people think.